On Honesty – A Review
The truth and I have had a fickle relationship. Early on in my life I’d make up stories for seemingly no reason, other than compulsion. I would weave elaborate tales that made up my alleged backstory. A Connor mythos, if you will.
This was before I turned 8. After that, the big lies stopped, and the little ones began. I tested my luck on dabbling between the real and the unreal. Telling people various degrees of bullshit just because I could.
The thing about lying is, once you start, you can’t really stop. If you tell one lie, then that leads to another, and another, and another. Sometimes to cover up a previous lie, other times just because you don’t exactly know where one begins, and another ends, so it’s easier to fabricate something new than try to remember something old.
I’m proud to say that I’ve grown out of this habit. But it took a lot from me. Over the years, I said things that I thought were in the best interest of someone else, or were simply small enough to benefit just me without hurting anyone. And that’s dumb.
Looking back, I can see that it’s always selfish. Both lying to someone to make them feel better or to make yourself look better. They deserve to know reality. They deserve the chance to create ideas that are curated from the only reality, not just yours.
Sometimes, that’s hard and that sucks, because lying is easy and the truth is hard.
There’s a John Green quote that used to fuel my uninhibited lying. “The truth resists simplicity.” Today, it’s part of the reason I can be brutally honest. If I told the truth all those times I lied, my life might be completely different. But the story I would have ended up telling would not have been simple, like I feared.
Not to toot my own horn, but I’ve always had a knack for being able to catch someone in a lie. I suppose that’s one of the few “positives” I got from being a shitty person for far too long. For a long time I reveled in the act of asking someone to cut the bullshit and tell me the truth. Which is ironic, really. But today? I don’t know.
While I have done my best to stop lying compulsively, and have limited my lies to the category of time saving. You know the lines: “I’m fine,” and “let’s agree to disagree,” I have also found peace in letting someone lie to me.
I know what it feels like, the urge to make reality seem more interesting, or to protect a friend’s feelings, or to just fill the silence. I don’t think its right, but, at the same time, I don’t think it isn’t right either.
It seems like, if someone is compelled to lie, there’s a reason for that. And whatever their reason is, they have decided that that’s more important than the truth. And who am I to disagree?
Thanks for reading. Keep in mind, I’m not advocating that you lie to my face, or accept when people lie to yours. Additionally, I’m not saying my past mistakes deserve forgiveness or that you’re obligated to view my lying through this lens.
I’m simply pointing out the benefit of perspective when it comes to someone else’s lie. It doesn’t make it right, in fact, it usually makes it worse. But there is not enough time in the day to deal with everyone else’s insecurities. Just your own, and maybe like… two or three friends :P
Stay honest, and have a great weekend.
