On a Daily Meeting – A Review
Hi, my name’s Connor,
Hi Connor!
and I eat a concerning amount of popcorn.
Hey, I’m Connor,
Hi Connor.
And my fingertips are covered in paint.
Hello, I’m Connor,
Hi Connor
And I’ve been using humor to mask some dark feelings for years now! To cover up the unhappiness and the stress, and the fears that everyone else has. But for whatever reason I’ve decided to close myself off in such a way to convince myself that I’m the only one who could understand. Who is afraid of being alone, who is afraid about fading away into the hands of everyone else, who can’t seem to figure out what he wants.
With introductions out of the way, we can now step into today’s itinerary. With that, the leader of this session holds up a flash card that’s been thoroughly scribbled on with what seems to be brush markers, paints, and colored salts.
Part One: Expositing
The ghosts are back. Dredging up what they can exhume in the bottom of my coffee cup. In the bottom of the coffee can. The tin that’s never quite so full.
I’m brimming with energy. Spoonful’s of honey to make the bitter taste in the back of my throat go down.
You ever think about stars? And how if you lay on your fire escape and reach up it’ll look like you’re grabbing a handful of them? Like you’re barehanded shoveling potting soil.
Now I’m googling what the white stuff in potting soil is. Perlite. Huh. That’s poetic sounding. A naturally occurring volcanic glass.
The stars are the perlite scattered amongst the dirt cosmos.
It’s darker here. I think that’s just because the day lasts so long now. The night has to make a stand I guess, and it’s gone for quality over quantity. Something I used to believe in. Sometimes you get both though, like with kidneys.
Part Two: Recollecting
Schools out and I’m currently wrapping my foot because my arch is doing that thing again where it hurts. I’ve moved to Brooklyn. I’m dead center in it now. Far from the few creature comforts I found. So, I’m making new ones. I was so busy with moving that I got caught up in not catching up with anything.
Now, I don’t feel like I have the time to start anything because I’m about to get on a plane and fly to Murrieta. And then to Portland. And then to this home again. I called this home the other day and my friend was so shocked to hear it. I wasn’t. So I guess that’s what this is now. But I can’t help feel like I’m just housesitting at this new place. But I also kind of feel like I’ve always lived here too.
It’s weird. How quickly that happens. But people don’t care if you move. New apartments are like haircuts. Other people get used to them faster than you do.
But due to my time constraints I became non-committal with my time. Which has led to me doing a whole lotta nothing special. I wrote a lot. Erased just as much. Built a lot of furniture. Went on a lot of walks. And did what I could to generically enjoy the prospect of having absolutely nothing to do.
But that only fits me for so long. And I’m feeling antsy, but out of practice in the department of making plans. But I figure some time will light the fire I need to get me going again.
Part Three: The Fire
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Part Four: Forgiveness
I’ve been on a heck of a redemption tour lately. And I think I’m in the process of getting my head on straight again. So. Unlike usual, I’m not going to apologize for my blog writing being sparse. I’m not sorry. I haven’t been feeling it. We’ll see where the wind takes me. But as for now, it’s certainly away from apathy (thank God).
So. Thanks for reading, and hey, have a great rest of your week. You’ve earned it.
