Love a Little More - Guest Blog
I've known Jay for longer than I've known any of my friends. He's always been there for me, especially when things get rough. We bonded over video games, but eventually came to realize we shared a love to read and write. He was the first person I shared my writing with, actually. What's great about Jay is how his compassionate heart wars with his analytical mind, don't tell him I said that. Fact is, it's tough to find someone who cares as much as he does. He does a great job introducing himself in this article, so I'll let him do the talking.
-Connor
Hello hello!
While Connor is on his trip to New York (and to the Nintendo Store, which I experienced via FaceTime), I’m filling in for your Monday programming. My name’s Jay! I work as a senior writer for an eLearning company, prefer co-op games over single-player, and my favorite food is peanut butter.
I’m also a transgender man living in the bubble of Utah society. And that’s the little thing I want to talk about today.
It’s not so much the bubble of Utah specifically. I actually think it’s getting better! The world is making progress toward a more inclusive society. But there’s a lot of love we can still spread, starting with acceptance—whole acceptance, for someone as they are rather than where they fit inside a preconceived LGBTQ+ mold.
Recently, I’ve had amazing luck with finding a group of friends who really care about me and accept me as I am, even though I can’t present myself yet the way I want to. But sometimes I’m told that because I’m not “all pride all the time,” or because I’m not actively shouting to the world that I’m a trans man or correcting pronouns, I’m just doing it for attention or my feelings aren’t actually real. People will look at my photos on Facebook and say, “Well, you don’t look trans enough to me. You haven’t even changed your gender on your profile.”
This turns into a scary problem. Thinking that because someone doesn’t represent what you believe to be the “peak LGBTQ+ lifestyle” then they aren’t valid in their identity. I can’t express enough how much this hurts.
Transitioning takes time. Not every trans person wants to make a physical transition, and that’s OK! Not everyone can afford it. Living situations play a part too! For me, my parents are pretty clear on where they stand, and where they stand means that if I come out, I’m either heading to therapy or being shut out of their life. I can’t even cut my hair.
I consider myself lucky enough, though. Many transgender individuals (especially women and women of color) are killed just for being who they are. I know it can feel like the world is better if we pretend these things don’t happen and we don’t think about it. But we have to think about it if we want to create change. We have to do more, starting with just one person.
So I ask this of you: make an effort to understand where that person is coming from. Do your best to use their pronouns (and believe me, your best is all we ever ask for). If someone doesn’t fit your personal expectations for what an LGBT individual should look or act like, please still accept them for who they are. Know that there are reasons for everything, and sometimes those reasons are “I don’t want to do this, but that doesn’t change who I am,” or “I can’t do this because I don’t feel safe.”
I just signed a lease to rent a house with some friends. I’m almost done moving all of my things, and after that I can finally start to move forward how I want to. I’ve already accepted that there are people in my life I’ll have to give up. I try to stay positive that my job will most definitely be OK with my transition and they won’t let me go (which in my case they legally can, for any reason).
And today, here I am, asking that we all love just that little bit more. Thank you for taking the time to read all the way through. Thank you so much to Connor for giving me this opportunity. May today be the best one you’ve had yet. Take care!
