On Brooklyn Man – A Review

On this balmy Monday, reports came in like gangbusters from the residents of North Flatbush. Witnesses say it was terrifying as they watched a local businessman, walking to work, suddenly snap.

“I’d never seen anything like it,” says Mabel O’Donohue. “He was walking to get on the train. Wearing his shirt and tie. And he just kind of got this weird look on his face and turned around.

And turn around he did. Forensic investigators found footprints leading away from the train station and into a local arts and crafts store.

“He was alright, as far as customers go,” says Patrick McLoughlin, owner of the Art Attack crafts supply store. “Bought a bunch of chalk and a little brush and a spritz gun… oh and a banana!”

Patrick went on to tell us that a spritz gun is just his name for a squirt bottle and that he does not usually sell that many bananas.

Our reporters hit the scene early, after having some disturbing reports called in from the local park.

“I thought I was going to die,” says Ward Walen, a Flatbush local.

“It was like the whole ground opened up and there was nothing but teeth inside,” says Maddie Hogan, who owns a hotdog stand in the park. She went on to say “he came up and busted that thing out in like an hour… It was kind of impressive.”

And impressive it was. Jackal news reporters who photographed the scene were quoted as saying “woah dude.” And “that stuffs trippy.”

I for one, managed to trek into the park and saw it for my own eyes. Of course, people had walked on it by then. It seemed just like a total normal New York thing to me. But then again, I’m not the one who saw him break.

We’re here to drop the scoop on this Brooklyn man. Turns out, he’s actually a teacher who’s been on summer break up until today.

Jackal news scored an exclusive interview with his roommates:

“JR: Tell us about the artist.

RM: Yeah so, he’s not really an artist.

JR: But what is he like?

RM: kind of boring. Keeps to his room. Makes us laugh sometimes.

JR: Do you know why he’d do something like this?

RM: Like what?

Unfortunately, we had to end the interview there due to budget restraints.

That’s all the time we have today. Until next time I’ve been Chet Moore. Up next, the weather.