A Year in – A Review

Hey,

I want to start things off with an apology for Friday’s blog. It was not finished, it had no point, and really really really needed work. I had tried to write it from my phone throughout the day, that was a bad call. It was entirely my decision, and I could’ve done better. I was too interested in making sure I posted something, rather than let quantity slip for quality’s sake. I don’t want to miss a blog, even if that means I have to break my back before a trip or a particularly busy week so I can get this done. But I also don’t want to produce something like I did last week, ever again. So. I’ve gone ahead and finished the blog from Friday. I’ll think about how I can appropriately manage blogs in the future, and go from there.

Thanks,

Connor

In an earlier blog I named the past few years of my life, and I hazarded a guess that 2018 would be the year of goodbyes.

I continue to see why I gave it that label. Throughout the year I had to leave a lot of things behind. A lot of personal things about myself, a lot of old grudges, and I physically left, with no real intention on coming back any time soon.

That still isn’t a decision I take lightly, and inarguably, it’s one of the few huge decisions I’ve made on my own that has drastically altered how my life is going to turn out.

And that’s weird.

Sure, I could chalk this entire endeavor up as a failure, find some way back to California, and work freelance again. But even if that’s how I decide to handle things, I can never shake the few massive lessons I’ve learned in these past four months. Things I don’t see myself learning in California. But maybe that’s just me holding out some asinine hope that the world is a bit more complex than it seems.

And the real benefit is, I haven’t really failed yet. I mean, last blog notwithstanding. Nowhere so far have I come up so short that I need to turn tail and run. I guess I was pitched New York as a constant battle. Me versus the elements, the locals, the mindset. But, in all honesty, none of that has been a detriment yet.

Which brings me to my new official label for 2018. Readjust.

2018 was the year of readjusting for me because I had to look deeply at so many things and decide what they meant to me. I had to decide to either align my values with something I chose years ago or to dash them and start over again. From January to December, I never took the time to settle down. And that’s fine. But it made me be constantly in flux.

I started this website in April with the intention of using it to legitimize my business and have it act as a portfolio. When I found out that I didn’t need to do that, it instead became a platform for the blogs that started (in earnest) at the end of June.

Now, here we are. 87 blogs deep. Each one between 500-2000 words of me just writing. Every week. The effect these blogs have had on my mental health, how I approach conversations, and how I’m continuing to steer my life is worth about a thousand times more than every typo in these things. And trust me, there’s a lot.

On top of that, I’ve spent a lot of time coming to terms with who I was at the end of 2017, who I was in the middle of 2018, and who I want to be now. I think I lost a couple of pieces along the way, but for a little while there I think I truly had things figured out, and I think I know how to get there again.

So. 2018 was the year of readjusting. It was a year of me working to figure out my parameters and doing what I could to lean into those, or back away as fast as possible from the ones I just can’t jive with anymore. All of that got me here, where I can finally get to work on being who I really want to be.

I’m getting tired, and I have work for the first time in two weeks today. So. I think it’s time I readjust and focus on that. I appreciate you for reading my blog, and I’m sure I’ll do whatever it takes to keep drumming up stuff that is worth reading.

Until then, have a great Monday!