For You: A Public Note - Unwarranted Advice

What do you think I came here for? How do you think this started?

It wasn’t some whim. Or some stone I luckily happened to skip. I made active choices that led to this breakaway play.

With that said, let’s get to the matter at hand. It was you. You see, you and your whole essence was what got me started in the first place. It was when I was young. Too young for either of us to remember. Words came easy to me, because of you. Fast forward and I’m the president of a poetry club, writing stories for fun, and applying to be an English major.

Around now is when my head got real bad. When I’d rather lash out than deal with the problems at hand. I’ll admit, you caused some of them. You weren’t an angel either.

There was a fundamental disconnect. One that kind of hits us still today, I’m sure. We took our first big steps in different directions here. I followed in your footsteps a lot, but only on accident. It turned out, you took good paths.

In a lot of ways, I want you to know that I’ve always been proud of the personal choices you’ve made. So many of them were daunting, challenging, tough. I saw you when you wanted to quit, but you didn’t. The few times you did were when you needed to, and that’s hard.

I’m proud of you for that, don’t ever forget it.

So here we are, taking the same steps, only a year or two apart. Sometimes unknowingly. It wasn’t until you left the first time where I realized that I learned how to make good choices by following your lead. That’s where I found the music I love, where I got re-addicted to caffeine, and of course origami and my own peculiar style of art.

But those things that I love. That define me in some ways. Those were steps you didn’t take first. And so, where before we only had a disconnect on our fundamentals, now we reached a disconnect on the surface. Something we could visibly see.

Here’s where I doubled down on video games and books, and you doubled down on people. Here’s where I pushed for rhetoric and logic, and you pushed for emotion and good faith. And look where we are now?

God. I’ve learned so much from you. And I think you’ve learned a lot from me too. And more than anything I wish I could be there for you right now.

I would say, neither of us ever were the most positive people. We were each raised with a glass half-empty. But now? We go to restaurants that offer refills. We get to see the coin flipped upright. But we’re doing it differently. We’re doing it the way our fundamentals tell us. The way we decided back in 2008. Funny, right?

Even though I’m taller, you’ve always had a longer stride. And even though I’m far away, that doesn’t mean I’m not still chasing those two-year old footprints and your shadow.

You taught me how to trailblaze, and I listened on accident. These lessons have guided me and let me be the guide for my entire young adult life. They were what fixed me in 2012. What got me through 2017. And they’re how I’m doing what I’m doing right now.

You did that. You gave me this. Thank you. Thank you.

Have a good week. I believe in you, all of you. But especially you.