On Sacrifice – Unwarranted Advice

Sometimes, I put too much on myself. I think I need to be the one to carry the load of myself or others, and I need to do it alone. It’s hard to break that mindset, especially when you’ve convinced yourself that you’re the only one you can rely on. It only takes a couple of people not being there when they need to be to make you live like that, and while my life isn’t riddled with tragedy, I’ve had months where I couldn’t find a friend, but now I know I just wasn’t looking hard enough.

Stress affects everyone differently and, for the longest time, it made me isolate myself. I’d do whatever I could to push myself into a corner and hide, it makes sense, I was used to keeping my walls up. But today, I’m happy to admit it doesn’t have to be this way.

It took a lot to pull me out of this mindset, and I’m liable to slip back into it every once in a while, but it never lasts long, because I know I’m never alone.

It seems like it’d be tough to find a support group. Sometimes family just doesn’t understand, or sometimes what you’re going through is too much to talk to them about. Other times, people might be too busy, or think they’re too busy, and can’t spare the time it takes to help you clear the air. But the beauty of it all is, there’s more people out there. And so, it’s with a heavy heart that I bring you the latest lesson I’ve learned. 

I’m not perfect, but sometimes I try to be. One of my many flaws is that I love being emotionally available for someone. I “enjoy” hearing what’s bothering them, and doing whatever they need me to do to get better. Whether that’s listening, offering advice, or just validating the way they feel. You might be wondering how this could be a flaw? Well. I like to be that person so much, sometimes I forget that the world is a good enough place that most people have more than just me for support.

I don’t get mad or anything. It’s fine if you lean on me one day and someone else the next. But, when I can tell someone is struggling, I want to do everything in my power to fix that. But sometimes? That’s not my place.

And that’s hard. It makes me feel like a burden or a weight, as if I am part of the problem. That’s entirely my issue, my brain does gymnastics to make sure I think I’m always the one who screws something up, but I’m not as central to their life as I appear to be.

Granted, I never assume I’m the sun in someone’s universe. But (if I can be cheesy) I do hope to, at the very least, be a distant star. But what I have to remember is that if one star has to go away for a bit, the galaxy will keep spiraling the way it always does. Eventually (hopefully), the cloud cover will dissipate and things can go back to the way things were, or at the very least, change for the better.

I’m going to extend the metaphor, so forgive me. Every star in the night sky is light-years away. Since the light takes so much time to travel, remember that when you look up, you’re seeing mere reflections of what they once were.

What I’m trying to get at here, is the people you know are just what you perceive them to be. And that perception is based on memories, self-made ideas, and how you interpret their actions. You can’t know what’s at their core or their present state of mind.

I’m getting a bit lost in the narrative now, but the point stands. Sometimes you have to sacrifice time for friends, but sometimes you also have to sacrifice your own interests (even when they're helpful) so someone else can get by. I don’t want to be the person who steps out of someone’s life, but five years ago, I did.

I’ve regretted it for a long time, and there is more nuance to the situation, but because recent events were too familiar to this (and I’m sorry if you realize this part is about you [just remember it's also very about me]) I’m now reexperiencing this situation, albeit in a much healthier and stable place. Being there now let’s me understand why this happened before, and helped me realize that this has to happen on occasion. The world sometimes tries to get you to separate yourself from the people around you, and the world might be in the right or in the wrong. That separation might be for one day or one hundred days, but it doesn’t have to be permanent, well… until it does. 

All I can say is that I hope you, all of you, know you’re not alone. You’re cherished and if you ever need someone to lean on emotionally, you can always find a friend, you just have to ask.

Thank you for reading, and as always, thank you for bearing the weight of my burdens today. I hope they can inform you and, if I’m successful at all, help you live the life you want to live.